" 1. They’ll go if you let them. It’s one thing to not be the one pushing someone away, but it’s quite another if they go when you let them. That part of an ending relationship is always the make-or-break it, because when someone really loves you, threatening to go kicks their ass into high gear and reignites the spark that drives them to work for you again.
2. If any of the following does not come naturally: conversations, any worthwhile segment of time for one another, sensations of happiness or contentment. If it takes time, it takes effort, it doesn’t flow naturally and mutually, it isn’t love.
3. They give you up for the chance to “explore their options” aka be young, wild and free. I would never discredit the importance of doing our own soul-searching and what-not, but unfortunately, choosing doing so over your relationship means they value the possibility of finding someone else over the certainty of having you, and it says a lot if you really think about it.
4. You wouldn’t be “in a relationship” if you didn’t have physical/sexual relations– without them, there’s nothing there. Relationships can be sustained off of a connection that is physical and only wades the surface, but I guarantee that is a dim light that will burn out sooner or later.
5. They don’t respect your wishes, especially when they mean a lot to you, and most especially if they are otherwise petty and generally insignificant. These acts matter most because it’s the least self-sacrificing to honor them.
6. You sacrifice your time and energy more than they do theirs. Your efforts aren’t met equally.
7. They’re needier than they are giving. When you really love someone, you put them before you do yourself; you don’t use them as a go-to person to fill your emotional needs. When you really love someone, said needs are met just by loving them.
8. You hesitate to tell them personal/intimate things that aren’t otherwise flattering about yourself. This usually isn’t a reflection on your ability to open up, but rather that your partner will be judgmental or critical or unaccepting.
9. Your relationship grew out of friendship, similar interests, or convenience, and they are still the only things pulling or keeping you together. In other words, you grew into each other, but love didn’t grow between you in the process, (and the two can sometimes be hard to differentiate.)
10. The best times you’ve had together aren’t the ones facilitated by external stimuli that make the experience great. Anybody can happily go to a concert and out to a gorgeous restaurant because, obviously. Hello. A person who really loves you will be even happier to sit next to you in sweatpants and watch Netflix/do nothing but talk all night.
11. They say what they’re looking for out of your relationship are things that they could honestly find anywhere. It’s not about appreciating you, it’s about filling a role.
12. There’s an expiration date, or there was one at some point.
13. They don’t care about the little, insignificant parts of your day. Someone who loves you will call you up to ask what you ate for lunch because love makes us weird like that.
14. Sigh to this one because it’s the most glaring sign that someone doesn’t really love you but somehow it’s the most overlooked: it’s when they don’t actively engage in your life, keep in contact, or let you know they are undoubtedly interested. It couldn’t be more straightforward, but we like to conjure up all these reasons and excuses for people when it boils down to the same truth. "
Deep down me, I am very reluctant to give this up though its barely two months. But then again... how long can I fight on.
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
I'm not a plan B kind of girl.
You deserve better than someone who is afraid to commit to you. It may seem like enough for now. You’re just taking things slow. Oh, how I know those little phrases of “one day” and“we just need time.“
You believe them.
And I’ve believed them.
And I’ve believed them.
But you’re not a plan B kind of girl.
You need to know that you’re not the invisible one standing in the back who gets chosen last.
You’re the girl who the team captain will be frantically hoping doesn’t get picked by someone else before he gets a turn. You’re a first-pick kind of girl. And no one worth having sits back and lets those girls wait around.
‘Cause every good man knows that the good ones get gone fast.
He should be jumping out of his skin in anticipation to call out your name and say “I pick you.”
“But he’s scared” “…and I’ve got commitment issues” “…and we don’t like labels.”
And. And. And.
Like a fool, I’ve stood there picking at the fabric of my sweater and spinning excuses. I’ve heard them all. I’ve used them all. “He’s been hurt.” “He’s busy.” “He’s in school.” “He doesn’t have a good car.” “He has Momma issues.” “His Dad left.” “His Great Aunt’s second cousin’s puppy just died.”
You’re not the kind of girl who needs to make excuses for him.
Good girls don’t have to finish last.
Honey, you must be at the wrong game and with the wrong players. Because you’re not a substitute, average, or second string.
You’re a catch. You are beautiful and funny and fabulous. Rooms light up when you walk in. Heads turn when you giggle and the earth itself adores the kiss of your feet.
You are worthy to be chosen, pursued, adored, loved, respected and informed. This whole “Do we really have to define this thing?” is almost always a delicate way of asking “Will you fill this lonely spot until I decide nothing better is coming along?”
Stop being afraid that you are not worthy enough to be claimed. Stop thinking “I’ll take what I can get. Maybe I will be enough for him one day. Maybe he will be enough for me.”
Don’t even consider the lie that says; “I can’t set my standards too high, because if I do, I might end up alone.”
Better to be alone than taken for granted. Better to be alone than to be a placeholder.
The one that loves you isn’t afraid to say it. If he loves you, he won’t even blink because the idea of giving another man the chance to swoop in is just unacceptable.
He’ll fight and use labels or poems or the Goodyear blimp to show you that you’re just the right fit for that open place in his heart. That no other piece will do.
You should be nobody’s second choice. And if you are, then they are just that; NOBODY.
He’ll lose his pride to tell you that you make him nervous and he’ll spend his heart to find what makes you laugh. He’ll tell you that you’re worth words and flowers and promises.
And you’ll believe him, because you’ll see it in the way he watches you walk across a room. You won’t have to question it by analyzing a text message or deciphering the tone of an e-mail. Because he’ll drive over on a Tuesday to bring you coffee and you’ll see it in his face and hear it in the way he asks about your day.
Your answer will lie in the memories of nervous beginnings and awkward introductions. You’ll know because the questions didn’t take long to fade. Because he said what he meant and meant what he said. And even when he messed up; he made up.
You’re not his back pocket plan, fill-in girl, or multiple choice answer. You are fierce and a force to be reckoned with and the kind of girl whose beauty calls for hand-written notes, words like “wow” and car rides to the ocean.
Take nothing else and be nothing less.
Be the kind of girl who deserves him and treats him with kindness. Who laughs at his jokes and thanks him when he opens your door. Leave the head games behind you. Encourage him and wear the kinds of dresses that make him respect you. Be the kind of girl who gasps at his surprises and hugs him for his compliments. Be worthy of the kind of man that you deserve and & the man that he was born to be.
Stop waiting for the guy who isn’t sure you’re enough and respect yourself enough to wait for the one that knows you are.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)